And Now For Something Completely Different . . . Again 
Not a lot has been happening since I last posted (although I did receive another Blog Award, with which I will post another over-the-top-award-acceptance-speech again soon) but for today I'm going to share with you some Zen Teachings - something I was emailed this morning and that made me smile. I'm hoping to pass this smile on. It's a shame to waste such a thing.
ZEN TEACHINGS
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just p**s off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse. Then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Not a lot has been happening since I last posted (although I did receive another Blog Award, with which I will post another over-the-top-award-acceptance-speech again soon) but for today I'm going to share with you some Zen Teachings - something I was emailed this morning and that made me smile. I'm hoping to pass this smile on. It's a shame to waste such a thing.
ZEN TEACHINGS1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just p**s off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse. Then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Hi there. Found you from Amanda's blog, and the first thing I find when I get here is a Monty Python reference, so - I'm hooked. :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I might argue the Zen-ness of some of these statements, they did give me that smile you promised.
Ha! Very cool. I love #7. :-)
ReplyDeleteThat lot made me laugh. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHi Karabu. I might argue with the Zen-ness aswell, but it was the title that came with the original email - so I kept it. Welcome, by the way. I'm glad I snared you with my quote from Monty Python :D
ReplyDeleteAll in all though, I consider #20 to be the most important
Hilarious...and remarkably true! I found you through a roundabout way through the Irresistibly Sweet Blog Awards and am your newest follower. I'll be tuning in for more of your wisdom.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy, I hope you enjoy the blog - although I'm not too sure how much wisdom I can actually give...lol
ReplyDelete